but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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