i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
