i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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