You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
