I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
