Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
