My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
