I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
