I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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