i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
