Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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