A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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