All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
