so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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