I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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