shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
