I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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