At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
