I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need water and some morals
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
