it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
