You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Blood and glitter go together right?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
