who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize