so explain again why im purple
no
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
