idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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