Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
