the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
