I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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