The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
