she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
