I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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