so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize
