I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
