how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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