Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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