I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
