my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
