i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
