If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
