I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
