I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
