my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
