do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize