We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
