Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
