I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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