I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
