Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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