Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
