You made me cry and you don't even care
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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