WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just cropdusted the office
My cat gives me a boner
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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