I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
