Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
