We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
