Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
