I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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