my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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