Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
