why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
