On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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