Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
