the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
