Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
