I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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