went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
there is glitter all over my balls
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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