I'm so fucking centered right now
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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