I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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