i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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