but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
