Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
