I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
