I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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