Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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