We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
