you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize