So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
