the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
