that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
