oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
