can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
